It's the Time of the Year Again *ugh*

It's exactly 26 days to go before Christmas, and for 3 years now, a significant part of me has been dreading it. Not that I'm a modern-day Grinch or something who says, "Bah humbug!" and who loathes Christmas, I'm way too far from that. Haha!

It's probably just that for three years now, I haven't spent my Christmas with my mom. Yeah, yeah, I know. I'm old enough already, I'm not a kid anymore. But this is THE time of year that I miss my mom the most. Even though we always bicker and argue before for even the just the pettiest of things,  she's my best friend. She's oceans and miles away now, working in Canada. And I MISS her so much already. Even more so now that I'm living alone.

I remember last year, on Christmas eve afternoon, when I went downtown to buy takeout food for dinner and I see people all bustling in the city streets getting their groceries and shopping for food for their Buena Noche (Traditional Christmas dinner) and right at those moments, I felt totally alone. I thought to myself that you can never feel more alone than being surrounded by a sea of people. Heck, it's way lonelier than being by yourself in a room, actually.

This Christmas, my friends, knowing my living situation, were thoughtful enough to invite me to spend the holidays with them. It's a nice gesture, I know, but a part of me feels hesitant to join them with their families. I feel that I would be an imposition and, realistically, it would feel awkward and sad for me, as it'll painfully remind me of NOT spending it with the one person I want to spend it with.

Oh, I forgot to mention that I have relatives living near me though. They're my uncles (my mother's younger brothers), which are the closest I get to immediate family. Thing is, I DON'T want to spend it with them. Why? Because they're just after the money really. Well, my mom's money really. I'd rather not discuss this matter in this post since it is an entirely different issue that I'm not ready to delve into just yet.


Hmm. Hope this year's holiday season would be a good, or at least, a tolerable one.